Real Talk.

Posted at: 11/8/2025 | 7:02am

Who am I

What do I want from myself

Those are things I can't answer

Why am I like this

Why can't I act normal

Those are things I have answers for, but they don't fix anything.

The more sleep I lose, the days where I go 60% of the day without eating,, well if you put it that way, no wonder I hate everything, but that's also not new so. Hm.

What am I trying to say?

I got a wave of depression going on, or at least I'll say that to people haha no I'm always like this. Maybe it's just flaring up worse than usual.

I mask so fucking much I can't even like
Be serious around others

Cuz I KNOW there are people who will hear my thoughts out but, I feel so icky if I do, feels like the edgy pre-teen I was in 2020

Guyssss if you think my life is perfect or whatever just know I'm like, a huge ass loser

I spend all my time on my PC, or phone

I can't maintain a clean environment for just a damn week

I take forever to do basic chores and basic shit that like regular people do

I hate and I mean HATE pulling out the "I have ADHD and probably autism" card cuz I wish I was more than that

But no I struggle with bullshit I didn't ask for

I feel like I get so close to improving, just to go back to my old habits and become a bum, essentially

-

I always got something to distract me
I'm afraid to leave myself alone with my head, they're fucking evil dude, trust.

I'm more than being a dumbass, right? I could probably be correct about something, right? I'm not actually that stupid, right? I can't be this fucking stupid, right?

Next part, friends

Ever since the thing that happened last year (afraid to say a name so idk just ask if you need clarification) I literally have an impossible time being normal with friends

I always keep in mind where we are in the friendship, do we talk once in a while? Do I want to get to know you better? What is a good friend? How do I know we're good friends? Do I annoy you? Am I trying too hard?

^ if I start messaging you pretty much everyday, this is jakej trying to be friends with you, jakej doesn't know how to make friends sometimes. Please forgive him. Jakej thinks sending dumb gifs actually means something lmfaaoooo

But seriously I probably just wanna know you better, surely you won't do the same thing he did, surely.

Fuck I. Might have some weird ass abandonment issues. Loooolllll get a load of this guy,,

Sorry

There's also this, I feel like too many people glaze me? ?? Everyone knows me but no one knows me. To be fair no one except a few know who JakeJ actually is

If I ever get remotely vulnerable with you personally, consider yourself very trustworthy, or maybe we relate on something. Yay? I think it's a yay

Don't know how to end this
Good morning
It's 7am and I'm going back to sleep
To dream
To a place where I enjoy existing

- Jake J. B

You've made it to the begining